Day 5 - My Dreams

So my Dreams, this topic has kinda thrown me.. Am i writing to my dreams? About my dreams? or what my dreams of life and expectations are?

I think i'll just put this.

My Dream?

To be successful at being in love and loved, at raising gorgeous children, at having a career that im good at, AND i love. I think with this, along with being able to follow my passions of tech, photography and travel, I would be very happy.

Day 4 - My Closet Relative... My child.

Dear my Baby Girl Chloe,

Already you are 6 years old, and it amazes me the things you learn, and discover so quickly and easily everyday. From words, to facts about the world and how things work. You are so eager to know everything. Your intelligence amazes me everyday, there is always something new, that u already understand. You have such a loving and caring nature within you and i love it when that shines though.

You have a steadfast and strong attitude, that im sure you've attained partially through ur genes of your father and through the kids at school. Sometimes it is a struggle teaching you the wrong and right places to use this attitude, I hope that you will understand that sometimes I have to be a little bit mean, to show you the right way about things, like respecting your grandparents even if they stir you a little bit.

I always try to give you everything, and a lot of people say your too spoiled, But your my responsibility, and i want you to be happy and have things, that even i wanted as a child.

My biggest regret, has been your homelife, so far, that we currently live with nan and grandad, and you've never really had a stable father figure in your life. Your real father doesnt show you or give you the amount of attention and so on, that any father should. I hope that you will learn this and see the real side of things as you mature a little more. And the couple of men that i have loved and thought were the one, loved you too, but in the end it wasn't enough. I guess its a life lesson that i hope i can pass on to you, Don't let yourself fall or invest too much into a man, until you are certain 200% that he's there forever, that you've seen his real colors.

I hope you learn to also realise that you are very beautiful, Your hair is gorgeous, so many people stop to compliment you or I about it. You have the cutest complexion and darlz, freckles aren't a bad thing hun. They just make you more adorable!

You are growing up so fast and always telling me what a big girl you are now. But you will always be my baby girl. I love you so much, and I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always love you and be there for you, unconditionally .

Love you forever,
Your mummy xx

Day 3 - My Parents

(( ok so this one is a little late, Ive been waiting for a chance to use the computer, because its much swifter to type with ))

Dear Mum and Daddy,

Firstly I'd like to say Thank You for all the things you did for me, to help me out, to raise me with respects and values, and to teach me things whether they were right or wrong, its all part of what made me the person I am today.

Secondly I'll start with Dad, Thank you for being the strong role-model you always were u taught me lots of things to do with getting things done, money and more of the complicated and real world things that mum doesn't understand. I'm sorry I guess I didn't grow up as the Perfect child, with my suicidal tendencies, and my not so perfect grades in senior high school, as well as having a baby when i was quite young and the many failed relationships. However I hope I made you proud of me in the my other accomplishments, through my intelligence and wealth of talents with writing and computers, that I wasn't a ridiculously rebellious teenagers, and didn't get into smoking, drugs or gangs. I hope that my achievements and dedication with the Girls Rally made you all proud of me, as well as the way I raised my Beautiful Daughter Chloe, and the dedication and love i showed to her, and the Darren, Mike and then James who i thought were the 'one'. I guess the fact of my numerous engagements must be a little disappointing or confusing, but i would rather look at it as, I want to love, be loved and get married, I just want to make sure its definatly the right man.
Also dad I want to thank you for always being there, sticking out all the tough situations our family has been through. Your strength of character always amazes me. The way you put up with Mum's attitude is amazing, the way she talks to you is wrong sometimes, but you just keep on going. I know too now that ur silent approach that i never used to understood, was just you being the peace keeper, mum never backs down or lets off, so just letting it go ends up being best. Daddy, I love you.

So now onto mum. Mum u did some good things, in teaching me some skills with household sorta stuff that has helped here and there, but i think u failed at making me feel loved and cared for. The things you have said over the last ten years, have cut so deep and I wont and can't ever forgive you. They're things i know i would never say to my own child. There were so many times that, I just wanted my mum to care and love me no matter what. But you were always the criticizer, slamming me for everything i couldn't do, everything i failed at, everything that was wrong with me.
You never understood my illness's, and that too hurt. I needed you at times, to understand to make sure I'd be ok.
I know that all of this is maybe because of the way you were raised and the old values and behavioral traits that were past on from your parents. It was a shame that you couldnt see and accept that life today isn't what it was when you grew up. Some things you did, dressed, acted, aren't accepted these days.
Talking of your parents, The day your mum died you become a different person, not just an orphan, but the greed of money changed you. I hated the fighting that between you and your sister tore the family apart. I hated that we no longer had big family occasions. I hated to you everything became about money and you just sat there on your pile of money and wanted more. I guess you taught me a huge life lesson that has definatly affected my value's in life. It has shown me the power of money and how it changes a person. Sometimes for the good, but in a lot of cases it consumes them, their personality is mutated into something else. I wanted you to see for so long that money isnt going to be there for you and keep you warm and be your friend. Ur family, and love matters more than anything.

One thing I am happy about is, that you have finally accepted my name. Thank You.

Lastly, Id like to wrap it up by saying, thank you for helping me and being there are times. :) I appreciate it.

Love your daughter,
Amanda.

Day 2- My crush

Dear Dream man

I have yet to really feel the touch of ur skin, ur hair or breathe . I have yet to walk next to you . Or know something as simple as your name yet u fascinate me .

Your reappearing presence in my dreams , leave such a impression , that I am left in wandering thoughts through the waking hours.

Who r u really ??

And how am I constantly dreaming of someone so unknown yet feels like for a lack of better words my twin soul .

Maybe I want the answers or maybe It's better left unknown . Maybe u are just that .
A fantasy .