Letter 8. - My Favourite Online friend.

I guess this goes to my very cool friend Hamish.. not only does he work for Apple, which is a huge plus. His blogs and general stories are very interesting .. I dont really know what else to write about for this one.. most people I like to have a 'real' friendship with.. rather than something virtual.

- M

Things I hate

Inspired by the recent frustrating episodes with numerous drivers who are incompetent in driving around a round about properly and Ralph mag's 100 Bastard things, I decided to compile my list of things I hate them most. very negative of me, But hey it can't all be sunshine and lollipops.

• People who have idea on the correct procedure for driving around roundabouts. Yes. You need indicators ppl.

• Call Centres/Customer centers, where the person if of another nationality and even though they are attempting english their accent is so thick, you have no idea what they are going on about.

• IT call centre personnel that are dumber than you are.

• Excessive commercials, I get the need for marketing and costs, however LONG ad breaks are frustrating and especially when there is the same ad three times in the same break. Starts feeling like Groundhog day on speed.

• Needles. I dont think this one needs much explanation

• Hospitals. This ties in with the above mentioned item. Hospitals have a affixation with puncturing your skin with as many needles as they can produce a lame ass reason for. As well as this evilness, the lurking feeling of death and sickness is frightening.

• Public toilets. Avoid these at all costs. unless of course there is no other option. Once you relise how 'unclean or unhygienic' a lot of general public is, then consider your touching the same surfaces they touch, the seat, the button, the door...*shudders* in these cases, LOTS of TP, and sanitizer are essentials.

• Clowns.... There is nothing cool or funny about strange people with freaky, eyes, feet, and makeup.

• Oversized newspaper, in the age of sleek and convenient, These are none of these, The only people that enjoy these gigantic sheets of paper are the bums using them for blankets.

• Pokies/Gambling. The odd's are these are beyond a joke, and the chase of the magically prize causes devestating addictions.

• Sand. It gets everywhere, and sticks and rubs. and just is plain evil.

• Buskers and Street Advertisers that get in your face. ahem.. Personal space anyone ?

• Fleas/Headlice - They are so small but SUCH A STUBBORN PEST.

• Ticks - Similar to the above. The devestation something so tiny can cause a beloved animal is awful.

• Teeth - People complain about cars, boats, kids being money gobblers.. Why not include teeth in that category.. when u really think about it they cost A LOT of money. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, floss, check-up's restorative work, braces/plates e.t.c, whitening.

• Dog poo/ Bubblegum - The sticky stuff that are left laying around and then conveniently collect on your shoe and then u have the stomach turning job of removing said substance.

• Jellyfish e.t.c. - Apart from well dead, cleaned and battered and deep fried, there is nothing cool about these. they are all kinds of creepy. I mean where is they're face.

• Bugs/Insects/Spiders.. - All kinds of Freaky.

• Clappers on a dancefloor. - Dickheads that just bob up and down there and clap like they are the coolest shit around .... click click.. BOOM

• Girls with overhang - You know the ones that squeeze into clothes a size or two too small, and there is a roll of skin hanging over the band. Definatly not a good looking belt.

• Birds - What is there to like about these creatures. I dare you to contest this one.

• Mud - All kinds of dirty and disgusting.

To be continued...

X-Fiance

My XF as I will call him for this purpose, was initially who I thought was my man of my dreams, you know when u grow up and u have all these stringent rules of who would make the perfect guy. Well in the first weeks of dating he ticked all of these for me, and I fell head over heels. Stupid me believed it enough to leave the man I was currently engaged to and start afresh with mr my perfect.

But as the saying goes, If something this too good to be true it probably is, and i guess this is a prefect way to sum up me and my XF. after moving into our own place and getting engaged again. ( Yes, yes i know. but remember i was smitten.. this was mr perfect.. I wanted to keep him for good) He changed completely, he was 200% clean freak, and anything i did or, tried to do was never good enough in his eyes. For so long I overlooked it, thinking this is THE ONE.

But after months and months of that constant failure in someone eyes, u start just sinking.. being consumed into a darkness, which fitted nicely with being out of work.It got to the point where he hadn't been able to tell me he loved me for months, luckily I'd got a position in a government organisation and I realised this was my break.

I got attention quite frequently from guys at work and I realised Hey.. I am pretty, I am Smart and sexy and I can be so much better than what he is letting me be. So I made my plans and after a rather messy breakup, I felt like a huge cloud had lifted. We hated each other for quite few months, both angry at the hurt, my hurt over the way he had treated me and how he'd changed my life and his hurt over losing control.

Now we talk and are friends and civilised. But its changed what I want in a partner dramatically. I will never rush into a relationship before opening my eyes and seeing the reality of who a person really is.

Stranger..

Day 6 .. A Stranger. (ok so i know im not doing these every day... )

I cant really think of just one to write this about.. I meet so many from day to day, working direct with the public.. most are the same sheep, rushing to catch their train that they didn't allow enough time to arrive at the station, get their ticket, find out where to get their train.. People rushing here, rushing there. Then there are the people who just rock up and expect a service to be waiting for the. yes we are there for the public, But sorry guys we do have a system. maybe you should do a little research for you just turn up.

there are the usual disgusting pig's of the general public that leave their mess everywhere, leave rubbish, tampon wrappers strewn on the floor. The kids that eat their candy and make sure every little peice of wrapping ends up on the seat of the floor. Being a hygeinest and a perfectionist sometimes this is living torture.

Then there are the rare and beautiful people, who are courteous to the other passengers, who wait in line, who ask nicely, who thank you for your time, people who make the effort to walk three steps to the bin to dispose of their rubbish. they notice and they listen. These people are true gems. The others.. i guess taint my view of humanity... not that i had a perfect one of them to start with.

Day 5 - My Dreams

So my Dreams, this topic has kinda thrown me.. Am i writing to my dreams? About my dreams? or what my dreams of life and expectations are?

I think i'll just put this.

My Dream?

To be successful at being in love and loved, at raising gorgeous children, at having a career that im good at, AND i love. I think with this, along with being able to follow my passions of tech, photography and travel, I would be very happy.

Day 4 - My Closet Relative... My child.

Dear my Baby Girl Chloe,

Already you are 6 years old, and it amazes me the things you learn, and discover so quickly and easily everyday. From words, to facts about the world and how things work. You are so eager to know everything. Your intelligence amazes me everyday, there is always something new, that u already understand. You have such a loving and caring nature within you and i love it when that shines though.

You have a steadfast and strong attitude, that im sure you've attained partially through ur genes of your father and through the kids at school. Sometimes it is a struggle teaching you the wrong and right places to use this attitude, I hope that you will understand that sometimes I have to be a little bit mean, to show you the right way about things, like respecting your grandparents even if they stir you a little bit.

I always try to give you everything, and a lot of people say your too spoiled, But your my responsibility, and i want you to be happy and have things, that even i wanted as a child.

My biggest regret, has been your homelife, so far, that we currently live with nan and grandad, and you've never really had a stable father figure in your life. Your real father doesnt show you or give you the amount of attention and so on, that any father should. I hope that you will learn this and see the real side of things as you mature a little more. And the couple of men that i have loved and thought were the one, loved you too, but in the end it wasn't enough. I guess its a life lesson that i hope i can pass on to you, Don't let yourself fall or invest too much into a man, until you are certain 200% that he's there forever, that you've seen his real colors.

I hope you learn to also realise that you are very beautiful, Your hair is gorgeous, so many people stop to compliment you or I about it. You have the cutest complexion and darlz, freckles aren't a bad thing hun. They just make you more adorable!

You are growing up so fast and always telling me what a big girl you are now. But you will always be my baby girl. I love you so much, and I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always love you and be there for you, unconditionally .

Love you forever,
Your mummy xx

Day 3 - My Parents

(( ok so this one is a little late, Ive been waiting for a chance to use the computer, because its much swifter to type with ))

Dear Mum and Daddy,

Firstly I'd like to say Thank You for all the things you did for me, to help me out, to raise me with respects and values, and to teach me things whether they were right or wrong, its all part of what made me the person I am today.

Secondly I'll start with Dad, Thank you for being the strong role-model you always were u taught me lots of things to do with getting things done, money and more of the complicated and real world things that mum doesn't understand. I'm sorry I guess I didn't grow up as the Perfect child, with my suicidal tendencies, and my not so perfect grades in senior high school, as well as having a baby when i was quite young and the many failed relationships. However I hope I made you proud of me in the my other accomplishments, through my intelligence and wealth of talents with writing and computers, that I wasn't a ridiculously rebellious teenagers, and didn't get into smoking, drugs or gangs. I hope that my achievements and dedication with the Girls Rally made you all proud of me, as well as the way I raised my Beautiful Daughter Chloe, and the dedication and love i showed to her, and the Darren, Mike and then James who i thought were the 'one'. I guess the fact of my numerous engagements must be a little disappointing or confusing, but i would rather look at it as, I want to love, be loved and get married, I just want to make sure its definatly the right man.
Also dad I want to thank you for always being there, sticking out all the tough situations our family has been through. Your strength of character always amazes me. The way you put up with Mum's attitude is amazing, the way she talks to you is wrong sometimes, but you just keep on going. I know too now that ur silent approach that i never used to understood, was just you being the peace keeper, mum never backs down or lets off, so just letting it go ends up being best. Daddy, I love you.

So now onto mum. Mum u did some good things, in teaching me some skills with household sorta stuff that has helped here and there, but i think u failed at making me feel loved and cared for. The things you have said over the last ten years, have cut so deep and I wont and can't ever forgive you. They're things i know i would never say to my own child. There were so many times that, I just wanted my mum to care and love me no matter what. But you were always the criticizer, slamming me for everything i couldn't do, everything i failed at, everything that was wrong with me.
You never understood my illness's, and that too hurt. I needed you at times, to understand to make sure I'd be ok.
I know that all of this is maybe because of the way you were raised and the old values and behavioral traits that were past on from your parents. It was a shame that you couldnt see and accept that life today isn't what it was when you grew up. Some things you did, dressed, acted, aren't accepted these days.
Talking of your parents, The day your mum died you become a different person, not just an orphan, but the greed of money changed you. I hated the fighting that between you and your sister tore the family apart. I hated that we no longer had big family occasions. I hated to you everything became about money and you just sat there on your pile of money and wanted more. I guess you taught me a huge life lesson that has definatly affected my value's in life. It has shown me the power of money and how it changes a person. Sometimes for the good, but in a lot of cases it consumes them, their personality is mutated into something else. I wanted you to see for so long that money isnt going to be there for you and keep you warm and be your friend. Ur family, and love matters more than anything.

One thing I am happy about is, that you have finally accepted my name. Thank You.

Lastly, Id like to wrap it up by saying, thank you for helping me and being there are times. :) I appreciate it.

Love your daughter,
Amanda.